To start, I want to tell you a little bit about myself. I struggle with sharing emotions. I love to listen to other people talk about themselves or challenges in their lives. That’s not hard for me to do at all. But just walking up to someone and telling them about my life and my story and how I feel about something scares me. It’s a little silly, but it’s one of the hardest things for me to do, no matter how well I know the person. My dear husband has had to struggle with me as I’ve learned how to open up. Writing this blog has been hard, because who else am I going to write about besides myself and my thoughts? I’ll think of a potential topic, but before I even get close to writing it down, I’ve reasoned with myself that it’s too sensitive a topic, and I don’t want to bother other people with my life stories. I mean, it’s not even that exciting.
I’m learning that this way of thinking isn’t right. My life may be boring to me, but I have no idea in the world what other people will think of it. It very easily could be boring to you, too. (I won’t judge you if that’s how you feel.) But maybe what I have experienced before is something that you need to hear today. Just maybe one little phrase – just one! – will have an impact on you. So, I’m going to open up and share my story with you. Not everything, and probably not chronologically, either. But I’m going to try to let you and others into my life a little bit more.
My freshman year of college was kind of amazing. Like, a lot. I met so many people who treated me like I was worth something and their influence and friendship has literally changed my life.
I had finally got to the point where thinking about going on a date didn’t make me feel sick with worry, which was awesome! It had been over a year since dating hadn’t been a stressful thing. Without realizing it, I started thinking about the kind of man I wanted to marry someday (okay, I didn’t just start thinking about him, but I realized that I could very easily find him soon, which was really weird) and started looking for him.
I found a lot of amazing people, many of whom I would have loved to go on dates with. But every time I was ready to ask them on a date something would come up. Every time! I was confused and a little frustrated. So, I prayed and read my scriptures. This is one that has always comforted me when I’ve been confused about dating. It’s in the Book of Mormon, in the book of Alma.
Alma 37:36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
I asked God about the guys I was interested in at that time. He told me that He had someone ready for me, and that I would find him soon. It was very clear, but in my mind I was thinking that “soon” in God’s time could be a very long time, maybe even a couple years in my time. So, I got myself ready to wait for who knows how long to find this man that God had in store for me.
The Monday after school ended that semester, I started my internship at a nursery down in Kaysville. It was May 7th, at 7:15 in the morning when this guy came to pick me up to carpool to work. My dad and his dad had arranged it, so I had never met him before. I was okay with it, and really hoped that it wouldn’t be too awkward.
You know how in movies, when someone sees a beautiful person and everything goes into slow motion? It happens in real life too just so you know. When I opened the car door to get in his car, I swear, time slowed down, cause holy cow, he was gorgeous! I was able to get into the car without too much embarrassment, and then we talked – a lot! His name was Jordan, he was older than me, but it didn’t even phase me that the gap in our ages could be weird. Over the next month, I fell in love with him. We spent at least 40 hours a week with each other during the drive to work and then at work. Not only was he handsome, he was also very spiritual, had a personality that was so easy to get along with, and he could sing. Oh, can he sing! At first I was frustrated that I fell for him so easily. Then he sang along with my favorite song while we were driving, and I gave up trying to not love him.