Jordan went on a two week long vacation after my first month working at the nursery. During that time, I started working in the production greenhouse, which meant that I was working by myself. I went from talking for hours a day to not talking at all, and it was a hard transition! But, I fell in love with my job. It was hard work sometimes, but I didn’t mind. The days didn’t feel terribly long, and even though it was really hot some days being in a greenhouse in the middle of the summer, I realized that I had the right job and I had chosen the right degree for me. Besides, Jordan would be home soon, and then everything would go back to normal.
When he came back, things did not go back to normal. His parents had him paint a mural up by the retail area of the nursery while I stayed in the production greenhouses at the back of the lot. We didn’t carpool as often, either. One day, after a week of confusion on my part, he came back to chat with me on his break and ended up working with me for the rest of the day.
While we worked, we talked about dating frustrations. Then Jordan told me about a girl he was interested in and how he was trying to ask her on a date. That someone wasn’t me. I kept a straight face, though, and was able to talk about it with him. And then he had to keep being cute! While we were looking for plants, he found and caught a baby killdeer, then brought it to me so I could take a picture. We carpooled that day, and on the drive home he sang along with the music. I just focused on not crying in front of him, and I’m proud to say I was able to contain my emotions. Barely, but I did it.
For the first time in a really long time, I had actually let myself love someone. And he didn’t love me back. It hurt SO bad and for the next month I did what I could to stop loving him. My parent’s encouraged me to look for someone else to date, I avoided him, and I prayed a lot. I was surprised when the answers I received were to keep loving Jordan, whether or not he loved me back. That’s how God is. He loves all of His children, no matter how they feel about Him. So, I let myself love Jordan, even though it seemed like nothing was going to come of it.
The rest of the summer, I would work by myself then came up to the main building for lunch with either Jordan or one of the other employees. I made more friends and learned to be around Jordan without too much embarrassment. Even though I didn’t see a relationship coming from our friendship, I loved spending time with him, and I loved him. It was different from when I first met him, because I wasn’t expecting him to love me back. I just loved Jordan for who he was. It didn’t hurt as much. And it didn’t feel as naïve, either.
I am so grateful for that time. Not only did I learn more about Jordan and build a stronger friendship, but I grew to understand God’s love as well. He loves us unconditionally, regardless of how much we return that love. I also knew that God answered my prayers, even though I didn’t receive the answers I was expecting.